Merry Christmas?
by Painted Angel Wings
Summary: Lord. Sasuke learns about the wonder and magic about Santa from Naruto... too bad that Sasuke thinks that Old St.Nick is a child molester thats out to rape Naruto instead of deliver presents! Ye gods. Whats an Uchia to do? EASY! Kidnap Santa.[AU SxN]


Merry Christmas?

**A:N: Merry Christmas, everyone! I'm back with my first ever Christmas fic: Woop! Hope you guys like it! This idea has been with me for weeks!**

**This is dedicated to Tesina Gela Gardener !! 3 Loves her. **

**Naruto: -waves!- HI TES-CHAN!**

**Sasuke: - .-**

**Me: Aww, Naruto! You're so cute!**

**x.x Disclaimer x.x : I sadly don't own Naruto, Sasuke… or Santa Claus. xD Tee hee. Unlike Sasuke. **

**Sasuke: Damn RIGHT!**

**Song playing: "Violet" by: Hole**

* * *

  
"It's the most WONDERFUL time of the year!"

Young Naruto Uzamaki happily skipped along the New York city sidewalks, which were covered with fluffy white snow. It reflected the moody, yet relaxing gray skies. "It's the most… happiest season of all!"

And at the word, 'all', the young ninja titled his corn colored hair back and screamed the word into the winter sky, his echoes bouncing happily off each metallic building.

However, this caused passerby to glare, stare, or whisper about how unfortunate youth were to be infected with mental illness so young.

"Would you be quiet just for TWO minutes?"

Sasuke Uchiha abruptly grabbed the back collar of Naruto's orange ski jacket, making Naruto fall into Sasuke's arms, who caught him with a slight smirk crossing over his feline like features.

"For the sake of Christmas shoppers…" _Including me…_ he added mentally, a small sweat drop forming over his head.

"Aww, but I can't help it, Sasuke!" Naurto whined, wiggling away from Sasuke, much to his masked dismay.

He ran over to a nearby shop window, hands and nose pressed to the cold, crystal clear window. "Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year! Just like the song says!"

His bright blue eyes sparkled with delight as a mechanical Ferris wheel turned slowly, round and round, each booth containing tempting chocolate. Sasuke couldn't help but allow a small smile cross over is usual unemotional face.

"You're that excited, huh?"

Naruto tore his eyes away reluctantly and grinned. "Hell yeah! Especially since Santa is coming over to my house!!"

Sasuke did a double, which caused him to choke on his own spit. Violently, he hacked and coughed, while poor passerby whispered, "Great, another crazy one…", while Naruto stared blankly.

"Wh-What?" Sasuke asked feebly as he recovered from hacking.

Naruto continued to babble endlessly about this "Santa" as they walked along, until Sasuke interrupted with another sharp cough, this one being a counterfeit.

"Naruto… who exactly is... 'Santa'?"

Just the thought of another-especially a man- come into his house at the dead of night, made him not only shudder, but for jealousy to boil inside his system.

"EHH?! Sasuke, don't tell me you don't know who Santa is! He's like, the coolest dude ever!" He stuck an index finger into the winter air, making him look a little bit wiser.

"He's the old guy who delivers the Christmas presents!"

_OLD MAN?! _ Sasuke's eyes nearly fell out of their sockets at Naruto's informative.

_Is… this 'Santa'… A RAPIST?! A STALKER?! _

He averted his eyes to the little uke, who was off up ahead throwing dirty mushy snowballs from the edges of the sidewalk at passing taxi cabs. This resulted in angry honks in reply, which only made him double over in laughter.

"I won't allow it!" Sasuke hissed under his breath shrilly, fists clenched to his sides. "There's no way in hell that some perverted old man touch **my **Naruto!"

A disturbing image of an old man touching Naruto caused him to shudder, and quickly willed it away with a shake of his raven head.

"OIII! SASUKE!" A cold and wet snowball flew to Sasuke's right cheek, an unpleasant shiver going through him at the contact. "C'mon!! I need to see that awesome Christmas tree!!"

* * *

Later that night, after being dragged all over the city by Naruto, Sasuke waited patiently by the fire place, eyes narrowed. He heard all of the details about how Santa got into houses (or apartments in this case), and he was beyond ready.

_I'll catch that molester FOR SURE!_ Sasuke thought with great determination, fists clenched tightly in front of his stone cold face.

Even after a good, long ten minutes, NOTHING was happening, which was driving the poor Uchiha crazy.

"DAMMIT! HURRY UP AND SHOW YOUR SELF, YOU COWARD!" Sasuke shouted up the chimney, shaking his fists. "COME DOWN HERE AND FIGHT WITH SOME MANLY PRIDE!"

As if on cue, a booming, "Ho, ho, ho!" was heard from the top of the chimney, raising hairs on Sasuke's neck (NOT the good kind, fangirls. No, this was from sheer terror)

_He's here…_

With eyes shifting like a cat, Sasuke rolled across the floor with stealth, hiding behind a giant arm chair, which could even conceal Santa himself if he squatted.

With more patience, he listened to the fat ass miraculous get down the small chimney, and walk towards an oak end table, where Sasuke laid out Christmas cookies made by Sakura and Ino (Hey, he figured they shouldn't go COMPLETELY to waste) .

"Ho, ho, ho! My, these look SCRUMPTOUS!"

Silence as he gulped the SKIM milk. Sasuke sighed with annoyance, and drummed his fingers silently and impatiently on the carpet. He told himself he wouldn't confront Santa until he finished the cookies.

Why?

Because Santa would be completely unable to fight back for these two reasons; One, he was too fat. Two, he would be too FULL to move anyway.

_Soooo. More waiting begins. _ Sasuke thought sarcastically, as he rolled his eyes and played with his kunai. _GREAT._

**15 minutes later….**

With a long, loud burp, Santa flopped down on the very arm chair Sasuke was hiding behind, waiting for all the sugar and carbs to digest in his tow truck for a stomach.

_Three… two… ONE… _

"RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!"

Sasuke let out the best battle cry he could think of, and shoved the arm chair over, causing Santa to fall over on his side helplessly.

"Ho?!"

Sasuke ignored this, and held the kunai to his throat.

"SHUT UP! And listen to me, you sick pervert."

A look of utter shock and confusion crossed over Santa's fat features.

"Son, what on Earth are you talking about?! Santa, a pervert?! I love children!"

"SO DOES MICHAEL JACKSON! AND LOOK WHERE HE'S AT!" Sasuke was near hysteria, his roars turning to high pitched screams.

Poor Santa just sighed sadly at the mention of Michael's name.

"My, my. I remember that lad. He's on the naughty list this year."

Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Well, THAT'S no surprise! NOW DON'T DISTRACT ME!"

With that Sasuke lifted his hand to dig the kunai into Santa's heart.

Just when he was about to get the job done, he heard his door open, and someone walk-or maybe skipping-into the living room.

"SASUKEEEE!" The high-pitched, energetic voice could only belong to Naruto. "You better hurry up and go to bed! Otherwise Santa won't come!"

Before Santa or Sasuke could answer, Naruto came into view, and his big blue eyes widened at the sight.

_Urkk! How am I supposed to explain this?_ Sauske thought urgently to himself, brain running about a thousand miles an hour in anxiety. _THINK!_

"OH BOY!" Naruto interrupted Sasuke's thought process by shoving him aside, and climbing on top of Santa's giant lap, who was still in shock at Sasuke's sudden attack. "Sasuke, this is the greatest present EVERRRRRRR!"

Now it was Sasuke's turn to be confused. "Wh-What? What do you mean, Naruto?"

Naruto grinned brightly, brighter than a Christmas tree lights. "That you would go through all this trouble and effort to get me SANTA for Christmas!" Naruto gave Santa a big hug, which caused Santa to give off a big, 'Ho, ho, ho!'. "YOU'RE THE GREATEST!"

While Naruto interrogated Santa on what he got for Christmas and whether he was on the naughty or nice list this year, Sasuke just stood there; stood there like a brain-dead moron.

_B-But…what…_

But when Sasuke saw Naruto grin and look like the child he is, Sasuke's questions were forgotten, and a warm smile crossed over his face.

"Merry Christmas, Naru-chan."

With that, Sasuke planted a sweet kiss on Naruto's flushing cheek.

* * *

**A:N: Woop! DONEEEEE!! -dances!- I'm so happy! And I'm so glad I finished this before Christmas. I've been working on it for quite some time now. So, I hope it was good. Heh. **

**So please read and review!! Maybe you could give me some ideas for next year's Christmas fic! ;D**

**My account accepts Anonymous reviews! ;3**

**Song playing: 'Attack' by 30 seconds to Mars**


End file.
